Confusion sets in... again...!?!?

It's one of those things... all it needs is a trigger for it to happen... I don't want it to happen!

What was the trigger? No idea. I guess things just happen. I try to get a hold of my life, everything seemed to fall into place, or rather, everything was forced into place (because I wanted and willed them to) and poof, the stability disappears once again...

I'm really set to wonder... plenty of things now. Am I wishing too much... am I dreaming too much? sigh... can't get out of this mode... and it's not as if i can afford to stay in this mode for too long. No... I'm not talking about my job here... I'm not. Maybe, just maybe, it's the lack of direction again. Maybe, it's in anticipation of what else I can do after my Bond ends. As what a friend said over a conversation, "I'm still in teaching because i can't do anything else. I have no other skills. What else can I do?" and so the story goes... he is still a teacher, 4 years after his bond ended.

Had been toying with the idea of doing an online music education masters through Boston U. But 1) COSTS! 2) I could actually purchase a pretty good Yamaha Grand for the cost of the whole masters 3) no practical aspect to it... which makes it kinda weird considering it's supposed to be music education? Slacking @ piano again. Again, no motivation to practice... WHY?! how to take LRSM at this rate?!

Maybe, yet again, it's time for me to reduce into 'hermit' mode... get out of pple's lives... get out of everyone's lives... (there again, have i really gotten out of my shell? - I've to think about it)